Stayin' At Will & Liz's An Unexpected Surprise
by MiladyFrenchLily
Summary: Going to Will & Liz's and staying there - add some problems, a bath, and a sober Jack Sparrow; Hilarity ensued!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Jack Sparrow or any other character of 'Pirates'. Alas, alas. A/N: Just look at the title.REVIEW, please! :)  
  
Chapter One The Plan  
  
Captain Jack Sparrow staggered up the deck. His gaze, rather fogged by the amount of rum he'd drunk, was lingered on Anamaria.  
  
She was at the helm, and he reckoned she stood there for three hours now.  
  
Jack thought she could use some relaxation by now.  
  
'What would ye say of some rum, luv?'  
  
Anamaria looked at him suspiciously.  
  
'Ye never give yer precious rum away without a reason, Jack.'  
  
'Nah, but I figured ye could use some relaxation. Hey, Gibbs!'  
  
Gibbs, who was cleaning the deck and drinking rum from his own flask, came to them.  
  
'What is it, Captain?'  
  
'Would ye mind taking over the helm from Anamaria? She's gettin' tired, ye see.'  
  
Anamaria felt rather tired indeed, so she released the helm without objection. When she was about to walk to her cabin, she felt a hand on her shoulder.  
  
Before she could slap it away, Jack spoke.  
  
'What would ye say of some rum, luv? And we could be havin' some fun in me cabin -'  
  
*SMACK*  
  
Anamaria had used all the power she could muster to slap Jack, once again, in his face.  
  
Because he was so drunk, he spun around for a moment and then fell with a loud 'Oomf' on the wooden floor.  
  
Smirking, she pulled the bottle of rum out of his hands.  
  
'Thanks, Captain Jack, fer the rum. Alas, I've to say I'm too tired fer funny li'l games in yer cabin.'  
  
Whistling a pirate song, she walked over to Gibbs and handed him the liquor.  
  
'Not a word to Jack,' she murmered. Gibbs, looking happy, nodded and hid the bottle in his wide pants.  
  
Jack, meanwhile, got to his feet feeling dazed. He stared at his hands, confused. What had been there, again?  
  
'ME RUM!'  
  
Anamaria smiled when she heard Jack's scream.  
  
A couple of moments later, he almost smashed her cabin door in knocking on it. She opened it, seeing a fuming Jack.  
  
'Somethin' wrong, Captain?'  
  
'WHERE'S ME RUM? YOU STOLE IT, YOU FILTHY.DIRTY.EVIL.'  
  
He lacked the word for what Anamaria really was. She smirked.  
  
'Ye told me I could take some of yer rum. So I didn't steal anythin'. He stood a few moments with his hands in the air, mouth open, thinking about this.  
  
Finally, he lowered his hands and spoke with a cool voice.  
  
'Fine. Since I'm here already, I wanna discuss me plan with ye.'  
  
She quirked an eyebrow.  
  
'Plan? I thought we were headin' fer Tortuga?'  
  
'Er. Yes. But I changed me mind.'  
  
Seeing Anamaria's glare, Jack added hastily:  
  
'Don' worry luv, we still be goin' to Tortuga. But not fer a couple of days. I was thinkin' of only one day. Savvy?'  
  
She raised both her eyebrows now.  
  
'No. I don't get it. What are we be doin' the next three days we had planned to go to Tortuga?'  
  
Jack smiled captivating, showing his golden teeth.  
  
'We be goin' to Port Royale.'  
  
Everyone on the deck could hear Anamaria's shriek.  
  
'PORT ROYALE? JACK SPARROW, ARE YE OUT OF YER MIND?! WHAT DO YE THINK THE COMMADORE BE DOIN' WHEN WE ARRIVE THERE? ORGANISIN' SOME "WELCOME HOME" PARTY?'  
  
'Well,' Jack started to mumble ,There's a bay, behin' some large rocks, so nobody will find out us moorin' there.'  
  
'And WHAT,' Anamaria answered ,Ye be plannin' to do there? 'Cos I'm NOT goin' to plunder ANYTHING there, Jack! If they see so much as a hand of ye or me we be dead! They know us too well in Port Royale!'  
  
Jack nodded.  
  
'Course we're not goin' to plunder anything, luv. And we be only there fer three days. But I just wanted to see Will an' his bonnie lass, Liz.'  
  
She glared at him, with a disgusting look in her eyes.  
  
'We be plunderin' some big settlement after that, luv,' Jack promised.  
  
'Don't call me 'luv' ' she said crossly.  
  
'If ye agree with me plan and call me 'Captain' ' Jack smirked.  
  
A few minutes silence. Then -  
  
'All right. Yer the Captain.' 


	2. Chapter Two The Strumpets

Chapter Two The Strumpets  
  
They had moored in Tortuga. The crew was probably hanging out somewhere, Jack guessed. At this moment, he didn't really care.  
  
He was lying in the arms of some lovely strumpet with black hair, and in his right hand he held a bottle of rum. Life was beautiful indeed.  
  
'You told me your name was Jack.'  
  
Jack looked up at the strumpet. Her name was Ebony.  
  
'Captain Jack, if ye please, luv.'  
  
'Captain Jack.?'  
  
'What do ye mean?'  
  
'What's your surname? You're not Jack Sparrow, are you?'  
  
He shook his head, thinking of a lie.  
  
''Course not. There are lots of Captain Jacks in the world. Why would me surname be Sparrow?'  
  
'Then tell me your surname.'  
  
Jack swallowed. He didn't have a good reputation among the strumpets of Tortuga - which is why he had removed his kohl and the red scarf around his head. He had also tied up all his hair in a ponytail, just to be sure.  
  
He didn't want to be recognised and slapped in the face by some strumpets this time.  
  
Apparantly this little lass didn't know him by sight too well. But he guessed her friends had warned her for Captain Jack Sparrow.  
  
He smirked up at her.  
  
'I dunno yer surname, why would I tell ye mine?'  
  
'Cos every Captain has his pride and wants to be properly named. Surname inclusive.'  
  
Damn, this lass was smart. Jack suddenly leapt to his feet and began to dress.  
  
'What's wrong?'  
  
'Sorry luv, I got an appointment. Almost forgot it.'  
  
'Why won't you just tell me your surname?'  
  
He didn't answer, but went on dressing himself at top speed.  
  
When he stood by the door, he smiled at her.  
  
'Me name's Captain Jack Sparrow, luv. Beg pardon fer the lie. Pirate, eh?'  
  
He ran away quickly, followed by her catcalls and shrieks.  
  
'JACK SPARROW? YOU INSUFFERABLE, FILTHY BASTARD!'  
  
Alas, the streets of Tortuga seemed to be full of strumpets suddenly. Apparently they had heard what Ebony was shouting, and they began to follow him.  
  
Jack ran as hard as he could. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone?!  
  
Something hard suddenly connected with his back, and he looked around.  
  
*WOOSH*  
  
He ducked away quickly, just in time, and saw a stone flying over him.  
  
'HEY,' Jack shouted ,WHAT'S THIS, SOME BLOODY WITCH HUNT?! IF YE DON'T LIKE ME- ' But his words were cut off by another stone hitting him in the leg quite hard.  
  
He finally arrived the Pearl, and climbed up, hearing some stones hitting the Pearl. When he was at the deck, he fell down, and hid behind some barrels of food.  
  
'What on bloody earth's goin' on here?'  
  
Gibbs and Anamaria came up the deck with inquisitive looks on their faces. When they saw Jack, they frowned at him.  
  
'Jack, what have ye been up to this time?'  
  
'Nothin'.I.just.tol'.some.strumpet.me.name.and.now.I.got.an.army.of. strumpets.followin'.me.' he breathed.  
  
Gibbs looked confused; Anamaria shook her head disapproving.  
  
'HEY, YE!'  
  
The strumpets stopped throwing stones at the Pearl and looked up to Anamaria.  
  
'I KNOW JACK'S A SODDIN' BASTARD, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YE CAN ALL JUST THROW STONES AT THIS BOAT!'  
  
'THEN,' somebody shrieked, Jack recognised Scarlett's voice,'MAKE SURE THAT BLOODY COWARD COMES DOWN HERE SO HE CAN GET WHAT HE DESERVES!'  
  
Anamaria thought about this for a moment.  
  
'Anamaria, please!' Jack pleaded quietly.  
  
'Don't! If ye don't I be never rude to ye again! And ye can have more rum if ye like!'  
  
Anamaria smirked at him, and Jack swore he could see devil's horns growing out of her head. 'On yer knees.'  
  
Jack blinked.  
  
'I - what?'  
  
'HEY, YE! YE CAN HAVE -' Anamaria started calling.  
  
'Alright, fine!' Jack grumbled.  
  
Gritting his teeth, he fell at Anamaria's feet.  
  
'Dear Anamaria, would ye please make sure those.ladies.go away without me?'  
  
Anamaria thought again.  
  
'Only if ye don't drink rum 'till we be in Port Royale.'  
  
Jack's eyes became the size of teatrays.  
  
'Yer bloody kiddin'.'  
  
Anamaria shook her head, and was about to call to the strumpets, when Jack answered.  
  
'ALRIGHT.'  
  
Anamaria smirked satisfied.  
  
'OKAY, LADIES, THE SHOW IS OVER. JACK STAYS HERE UNLESS YER PLANNIN' TO COME AND CLAIM HIM.'  
  
She grabbed her sword and waved with it dangerously. After a few moments, Jack heard dresses rushing and heels clicking.  
  
'Are they gone?' he asked with a small voice.  
  
Anamaria nodded, and then began to laugh. 


	3. Chapter Three To Will's

Chapter Three To Will's  
  
Jack was lying in his bed, sulking. He looked at the rum bottle next to him, with desire in his eyes.  
  
There was one problem: the bottle was empty.  
  
He'd drunk it in Tortuga. And since they were sailing to Port Royale, Anamaria forbid him to drink so much as a drop of the wonderful liquor.  
  
She also kept an annoyingly close watch on the other bottles and barrels of rum.  
  
Jack was mad at himself as well. Why on sodding earth had he listened to Anamaria?  
  
He was the Captain, after all. He could've easily commanded her to chase away the strumpets.  
  
Thinking about it, he could command her to give him his rum. But she'd probably slap him in his face. And he couldn't risk losing her - she was a great steersman. Steerswoman.  
  
Oh, bloody hell.  
  
Suddenly somebody knocked on his door.  
  
'What?!' Jack asked crossly.  
  
'Captain, can I come in?' It was Gibbs.  
  
'Yeah, whatever.'  
  
Gibbs came in, and Jack saw he had to fight back the urge to smile at the sight of the sober pirate Captain.  
  
'Captain, we're almost at Port Royale. I think ye had better take over the helm.'  
  
Jack frowned and got up, following Gibbs to the deck.  
  
~  
  
A few hours later, they had moored at the bay Jack had mentioned.  
  
Jack was now searching for Will's house. He stood in front of the blacksmith, wondering if Will lived here.  
  
He didn't really dare going inside, not wanting to be hit on the head by the other blacksmith again.  
  
Suddenly he saw two redcoats coming 'round the corner, chatting merrily. Without a thought, he opened the blacksmith's door and hid inside.  
  
'Who's there?'  
  
Jack looked around, and saw a worried Will.  
  
He smirked, and stepped out of the shadows.  
  
He poked Will in the back with his sword.  
  
'Surrender, or die a terrible death, me young enemy!'  
  
Will literally jumped a few inches and turned around, looking scared.  
  
When he recognised Jack, his lips curled into a beaming smile.  
  
'Jack! What - how -'  
  
Jack grinned.  
  
'Not now, Will. It's great to see ye. How are ye?'  
  
'I'm perfect! I've got a lot of things to tell you - But how are you? '  
  
'Fine, fine, as usual, ye know.'  
  
'Let's go to my house.'  
  
Jack smirked.  
  
'A wonderful idea. So ye got yerself a nice cozy house? Are ye married with that bonnie lass of yers, Elizabeth?'  
  
Will blushed and nodded.  
  
'She's, well, I love her, Jack. She's the most gorgeous woman I know.'  
  
'Obviously,' Jack smiled, 'Or else ye wouldn't have married her. I reckon she's very good to ye.'  
  
Will answered by a huge smile, and went outside.  
  
'Hopefully she be better to ye than to me on that rotten island,' Jack muttered under his breath, closing the door behind him.  
  
~  
  
Arriving at Will's house, Jack whistled.  
  
It was rather big and white. It looked like the Governor's house, it was only smaller and it had more decorations; more fancy curls and more fat cherubs.  
  
'Pretty house, son. Nice an' big. Bought with plundered gold?' He winked, and Will laughed.  
  
'Well, the governor has been really kind to us, and Elizabeth, she fell in love with this house.'  
  
They went inside, and Jack whistled again.  
  
'The governor has been really kind indeed. This is somethin' else than me cabin at the Pearl.'  
  
'Jack, how long are you planning to stay here?'  
  
'Already wanna get rid of me? I be plannin' to stay here fer three days.'  
  
'Well, you can stay with us if you want to.'  
  
Jack smiled.  
  
'I luv to. But doesn't yer lass object? I dunno if she likes to have me 'round.'  
  
'Of course she does like it - she doesn't hate you, Jack.'  
  
Jack looked as if he doubted it.  
  
'Well, she didn't even wanna have sex with me on that bloody island,' Jack muttered under his breath.  
  
Will looked at him curiously.  
  
'Did you say something?'  
  
'I said: 'Where is she anyway?' ' Jack answered innocently.  
  
'She's gone with her father - he wants to buy her a new dress. But do you want something to eat?'  
  
A few moments later, he was gnawing off a large drumstick.  
  
'Fiz iz vewwy goow,'  
  
'I beg your pardon?,' Will said polite.  
  
Jack swallowed and spoke again.  
  
'I said, this is very-'  
  
Somebody knocked on the door. Jack looked around, anxious.  
  
Will grabbed the plate and the cup Jack had been eating of, and brought quickly to the kitchen, calling:  
  
'Jack! Go upstairs, and hide somewhere!'  
  
He nodded, and ran upstairs, tripping over several carpets as he did.  
  
When he was upstairs, he heard the voices of Elizabeth and the governor.  
  
He began to eavesdrop at the top of the stairs.  
  
'Would you like some tea, mr. Swann?'  
  
'Well, why not, Will.'  
  
Jack rolled his eyes. Typically something for Will to do. Inviting someone who could easily condemn Jack to death for some tea party, while Jack himself was near.  
  
He walked softly to one of the rooms and opened the door.  
  
Hm. Odd room. Everything in pastel shades. Light blue, light pink, lilac - it made Jack a bit sick.  
  
Suddenly he noticed something in the middle of the room.  
  
When he looked inside it, he began to scream. 


	4. Chapter Four The Discovery

Chapter Four The Discovery  
  
Will, Elizabeth and the governor all looked up when they heard the scream.  
  
'What was that?'  
  
'What was what?' Will asked mr. Swann innocently.  
  
Mr. Swann turned around, and pointed at the ceiling.  
  
'Didn't you hear that noise?'  
  
Behind his back, Elizabeth mouthed 'What?!'  
  
Will bit his lip.  
  
'Jack Sparrow' he mouthed back.  
  
Elizabeth's mouth fell open.  
  
'Will?' The governor looked curiously at Will.  
  
'Um, it probably is some stray cat, you know, sometimes when we have the windows open, they come in and -'  
  
His words were cut off by Elizabeth.  
  
'But oh dear, Will, that appointment! Oh, father, I forgot, but we have an appointment this afternoon!'  
  
'Yes, yes,' Will nodded, understanding what Elizabeth was planning to do.  
  
Mr. Swann raised an eyebrow.  
  
'With whom do you have an appointment, if I may ask?'  
  
'With, er, with.' He looked at Elizabeth for help.  
  
'With the commadore,' she said promptly.  
  
The governor smiled.  
  
'Isn't that a bit painful? I mean, to see you two married happily.'  
  
'Oh no, not at all. You see, father, he has got himself a nice fiancée as well.' Elizabeth lied.  
  
The governor raised his other eyebrow.  
  
'I didn't know! Well, I'll congratulate him when I see him again.'  
  
'No, you really shouldn't, because.because he's trying to keep it a secret!'  
  
Will looked at Elizabeth incredulously - he didn't know his wife lied so well.  
  
'Why is he keeping it a secret?' the governor asked, interested. 'We shall ask him, father. But I really think you should go now.'  
  
Mr. Swann nodded.  
  
'I certainly will, you two are obviously in a hurry. And I will be so kind not to tell anyone about the commadore.'  
  
Elizabeth hugged her father, and walked him to the door.  
  
When she came back, she looked at Will crossly.  
  
'What do you mean, 'Jack Sparrow'? He isn't here, is he?'  
  
'I'm afraid he is, darling.'  
  
'But why did you ask my father for tea while- '  
  
Suddenly they both heard the baby cry. Elizabeth grabbed Will by his arm and ran upstairs.  
  
~  
  
Jack had both his sword and his pistol pointed at the cradle. The Thing in it was apparently shouting from the top of its lungs.  
  
He would rather cover his ears with his hands, but who knows what The Thing could be doing when he was unarmed.  
  
'What are you doing?!' Elizabeth, Will's pretty lass, looked crossly at Jack. Very crossly.  
  
He pointed with his sword at the cradle.  
  
'There's a dangerous thing in that cradle, luv.'  
  
She looked at him incredulously and got the crying baby out of the cradle.  
  
'Jack,' Will tried to explain 'That 'thing' is our baby.'  
  
Elizabeth was hushing the Baby now. When it saw Jack, it stopped crying and started to laugh.  
  
Jack let go off his weapons. He looked at the Baby sulkily.  
  
'It is laughing at me.'  
  
Elizabeth frowned at him.  
  
''It' is a SHE. A baby, Jack. Oh, come on, you must've seen a baby before in your life.'  
  
Jack looked at it curiously.  
  
'So that's a baby. I haven't seen one since.since.'  
  
'Since?' Elizabeth inquired with raised eyebrows.  
  
'I've never seen one in me life before,' Jack finished lamely.  
  
Jack became more sulky as he saw Will and Elizabeth fighting the urge to burst out laughing.  
  
Suddenly he figured out something else. 


	5. Chapter Five Time For A Bath

Chapter Five Time For A Bath  
  
'So that's yer.baby, innit?'  
  
Will and Elizabeth nodded.  
  
'Yer child.'  
  
Will smiled.  
  
'Something funny about that?'  
  
'Well.so.'  
  
Elizabeth got a gist of what Jack was about to say.  
  
'What had you expected, us staying virgins after marrying?'  
  
Jack smirked.  
  
'When are ye married?'  
  
'Last August,' Elizabeth answered confident.  
  
'And it's now May - so that means this little lass was conceived before yer marryin'.'  
  
Will and Elizabeth blushed furiously.  
  
Jack pitied them a little, so he decided to change the subject.  
  
'What's her name?'  
  
'Charlotte Elizabeth Wilhelmina Turner.' Will answered, looking disgustingly sweet at his baby.  
  
Jack raised both eyebrows.  
  
'That's a lot of names fer such a li'l lass.'  
  
'I'd prefer it,' Elizabeth said, sounding crossly again, 'If you would not call Charlotte 'lass' all the time. She's just a girl.'  
  
'She is now,' Jack smirked. 'But wait 'til she's seventeen. She be probably incredibly shexy and she be havin' a lot of men -'  
  
*SLAP*  
  
'See, told ye she be not happy with me. I guess she doesn't like me stayin' the next two days,' Jack said sadly to Will, rubbing the spot where Elizabeth had hit him.  
  
Elizabeth looked as if she was about to explode.  
  
'HE IS - WHAT?!'  
  
'Listen, Elizabeth, darling, it's our friend! And you saw Charlotte liked him-' 'She laughed at me,' Jack muttered.  
  
'- So, well, I'm rather interested in his adventures and I'm sure you are, too.' Will said soothing.  
  
Elizabeth considered this.  
  
'Only if he takes a bath.'  
  
Jack's eyes became so wide it looked like they were to pop out.  
  
'A BATH?! I didn't have a bath since I left me mum.'  
  
'So it's about time you take one,' Will and Elizabeth said in unison.  
  
~  
  
Jack looked at his body, blinking.  
  
It was tanned and shiny - and clean!  
  
Looking in a mirror, his hair was shiny and clean as well, and it had lost it bushiness.  
  
It felt rather weird.  
  
'Jack? Are you decent?' Will asked, knocking on the door.  
  
Jack wrapped himself in a towel, calling 'yeah', and Will came in with a pile of clothes.  
  
Jack frowned.  
  
'That doesn't look like me own clothes.'  
  
Will smiled.  
  
'No, I'm sorry, but Elizabeth gave your own to the maid, so she can clean them-'  
  
'She WHAT?! HANDS OFF ME CLOTHES, EVERYONE!'  
  
'Really, Jack, they were filthy. And they stunk.'  
  
'So what? I liked them. And they didn't stink. Now they be shrinkin' and clean and white and shiny and ugly.' Jack whined stubbornly.  
  
Will shook his head amused.  
  
'Don't be silly.'  
  
Jack thought for a few moments. He had to stay here for two days; and he wanted to pry off some rum from Will.  
  
'Alright,' he muttered, grabbing the clothes. 


	6. Chapter Six KohlLined Eyes And Dinner

Thanks for the reviews, everyone! :) *Jack Sparrow voice* Luv ye all!  
  
Chapter Six Kohl-lined eyes and Dinner  
  
Jack went downstairs, feeling rather ridiculous in Will's poshy clothes.  
  
Oh well, he thought. Ridicule was nothing to be scared of.  
  
But his temper didn't improve when Elizabeth saw him and burst out laughing.  
  
'Well, I have to say it looks rather.' Elizabeth giggled.  
  
'Rather what?' Jack mumbled crossly.  
  
'Shexy? Lustful? Posh?'  
  
Elizabeth fell on a sofa, tears in her eyes from her laughing.  
  
'You look rather.moronic.' She said, hanging over the sofa now, laughing so hard it looked like she was about to burst.  
  
Jack didn't really mind, because he had a rather spectacular view on her low neckline.  
  
Will really was a lucky guy.  
  
But then the latter came in, and Jack quickly sat down.  
  
'Yes, yes, I know I look bloody ridiculous,' he answered Will's huge grin.  
  
'Somethin' else, does anyone know where that li'l leather bag, the one that was on me belt, is?'  
  
Elizabeth wiped the tears out of her eyes and nodded.  
  
'It lies on your bed. You have the room on the right side of the corridor, third door.'  
  
He raced upstairs, got the filthy leather bag, and went downstairs again.  
  
Sitting down on a chair, he opened it.  
  
Will and Elizabeth followed his movements, curiously.  
  
He got a piece of mirror out of the bag, and something black. It looked like the charcoal painters use, but it was greasier.  
  
He held the mirror in one hand in front of his face, and in the other hand he held the charcoal-like stick.  
  
He started to draw thick, black lines around his eyes with the stick.  
  
'Why are you doing that?' asked an amazed-looking Will.  
  
Jack blinked a few times when it was ready, and smiled at them.  
  
'Ye know I escaped from the Eastindian Company?'  
  
They nodded.  
  
'Before I escaped, I had this lovely holiday in India. And the people of India, lads and lassies alike, all use this.'  
  
He held the stick up.  
  
'It's called kohl. They put it 'round their eyes. Dunno why, but I think it looks gorgeous.'  
  
Will and Elizabeth both had their eyebrows raised.  
  
'Riiiiight.' Will muttered.  
  
Elizabeth tried to oppress the urge to smile.  
  
A bell rung.  
  
Jack looked around, anxious, and fell immediately down on the floor, to hide behind a sofa.  
  
Will frowned.  
  
'Jack, what are you doing?'  
  
'I be hidin'!' Jack whispered.  
  
'Don' look at me! I know that bell - the Redcoats use it when they see pirates comin'!'  
  
'That,' Elizabeth sighed, clearly annoyed, 'is our dinner bell.'  
  
'Yer - what?' Jack asked, still whispering.  
  
'Our DINNER bell. There are no Redcoats, we're just going to have dinner now,' Will smiled.  
  
Jack raised his eyebrows, looking relieved.  
  
'Oh goody! Food!'  
  
He stood up and ran to the dining room.  
  
~  
  
After eating and telling why he had come to Port Royale (and after a lot of disgusted glasres from Elizabeth, since Jack was a person who spoke if he wanted to, not caring if he had food in his mouth or not), Jack leant back in his chair.  
  
'That was great. Can I borrow yer cook fer a couple of months on the Pearl?' he joked.  
  
Will and Elizabeth smiled.  
  
'Can't Anamaria cook well?', Will grinned.  
  
Jack's face darkened.  
  
'Don't talk of her,' he muttered, thinking of her banning him from his beloved rum.  
  
Thinking of alcohol, he took a swig of his cup.  
  
He had expected whine, and when he tasted what was in the cup, he immediately spat it out all over the table. 


	7. Chapter Seven Evening & Night

Chapter Seven  
  
'Something wrong?' Will asked, while Elizabeth watched Jack, once again, with a disgusted look on her face.  
  
'This. . .this is water!' Jack sputtered.  
  
'Yes, well, we didn't think it was a good idea to give you whine,' Will answered.  
  
Jack looked astonished.  
  
'And why the bloody hell not?!'  
  
'Well,' Elizabeth started to explain, 'We don't want you to be all noisy and drunk tonight. You see, we, Charlotte included, are quite fond of a good night's rest.'  
  
'I'm not gonna be drunk of one glass o'whine!' Jack answered offended.  
  
'Oh yes, *you* are,' Will muttered.  
  
Jack thought about it.  
  
'Ok. Maybe yer right. And I can understand 'bout Char-thingy's -'  
  
'Her name's Charlotte!' Elizabeth interrupted angrily.  
  
'Yeah, whatever, Char - Char - lotties night's rest, I can understand 'bout that. But 'bout yer night's rest . . . '  
  
He smirked.  
  
'I mean, Liz - Elizabeth, beg pardon, yer bloody pretty. I can't imagine Will can keep his hands off ye in -'  
  
*SMACK*  
  
For the second time that day, Jack had been slapped in the face by Elizabeth.  
  
Fuming, she spoke.  
  
'I told you he's got no manners, Will! You indespicable, insufferable - '  
  
'I thought ye were a Christian,' Jack muttered.  
  
'WHAT did you say?'  
  
'Elizabeth, hush. Jack isn't being that serious, are you, Jack?' Will shot an alarming look at Jack.  
  
Jack, understanding the glare, shook his head vehemently.  
  
''Course not! Just me little joke. . . ' he said, trying to look innocent.  
  
After another glare of Will and a little too late, he added:  
  
'Oh yeah, sorry, I guess.'  
  
Elizabeth had calmed down a little, but she still was angry.  
  
'I don't think we should let him baby-sit little Charlotte tomorrow, Will.'  
  
Jack looked as if he had been slapped in the face again.  
  
'I - *what*? Baby-sit that little th - Char - Charlottie?'  
  
'We have to visit someone tomorrow, Jack, so we had hoped -'  
  
'YOU had hoped,' Elizabeth muttered.  
  
'- I had hoped you could baby-sit Charlotte. It's only for a few hours.'  
  
'But . . .but . . .What if she's goin' to do . . .somethin'?'  
  
'See?' Elizabeth said.  
  
'He doesn't even want to. He doesn't even *dare* to.'  
  
Jack was really offended by this.  
  
'I'm a pirate! I dare anythin'! I'm no coward! But. . . Can't the maid do it?'  
  
'She's got a day off tomorrow,' Will said.  
  
'Anyway,' Elizabeth said, thinking about it, 'I won't let you. It's far too dangerous. You could drop her, you could poison her, you could do anything to her!'  
  
But Jack, realising he had to make something up (and realising he wanted to stay there for another two nights without being killed by Elizabeth), shook his head again.  
  
'I can do anythin'. I won't be droppin' her or poisonin' her or somethin'. I can handle babies. I *promise*.'  
  
Elizabeth looked as if she doubted this, but Will smiled. He knew the pirate was a man of his word.  
  
~  
  
Jack bounced up and down in his bed.  
  
It really was a weird bed.  
  
The spiral metallic springs in this bed were clearly very new, and very springy.  
  
He actually had a lot of fun bouncing in it, going higher and higher in the air every time.  
  
Suddenly someone knocked on his door.  
  
'Jack?'  
  
He recognised Will's voice.  
  
'What is it, me lad?' 'That, er, bouncing of yours is being a bit annoying. Elizabeth can't sleep. Would you please quit it?'  
  
Jack now was annoyed as well. It was always that bloody Liz, she just didn't want him to have fun!  
  
She was probably still taking revenge of that island-thingy.  
  
Rancorous woman.  
  
He liked that.  
  
Ok, he had to admit to himself, he was just being jealous at Will.  
  
'Yeah, sure.' He answered.  
  
He rolled over and closed his eyes, not noticing his pillow got dirty of his black kohl.  
  
When he was almost asleep, he heard other spiral metallic springs bounce up and down. And he was sure it weren't his own.  
  
'Bad Will,' he thought, smirking.  
  
But after a quarter he got annoyed with the bouncing.  
  
Should he go to them and knock on their door to ask if they would *please* quit the bouncing?  
  
But when he was about to step out of bed, the bouncing stopped.  
  
'Ah, sleep,' he thought, closing his eyes again.  
  
But then the crying started. 


	8. Chapter Eight An Indecent Lady In The Mi...

A/N: Sorry for the short chappy, guys.  
  
Chapter Eight  
  
When A Lady Isn't Decent In The Middle Of The Night  
  
Jack put his pillow on top of his head. That bloody Char-thing was crying for about half an hour now!  
  
He still heard the sound coming through the pillow.  
  
Frustrated and seething, he stepped out of bed, to walk to Charlotte's room.  
  
'What on bloody earth is wrong with that thi - Char - char lottie?!'  
  
Will and Elizabeth turned around, scared for a moment.  
  
Then Will jumped to Jack and laid a hand over Jack's eyes.  
  
'JACK! You idiot! She is not decent!'  
  
He saw Jack smirking.  
  
'Do ye think I care?'  
  
'No, but *I* do!'  
  
'But what's wrong with Char-char - the baby?'  
  
'She's just hungry.'  
  
'But why's she drinkin' from Lizzies - excuse me, Elizabeth's breast, then? I thought she be hungry, not thirsty.'  
  
Will raised his eyebrows; Elizabeth looked shocked.  
  
'So . . . you . . . you saw my . . . breast?'  
  
Jack smirked again.  
  
'I've seen more breasts in me life, luv.'  
  
Unable to slap him this time, Elizabeth shouted  
  
'You BASTARD!' as loud as she could - causing the baby to look up at Jack and laugh.  
  
'She's laughin' at me again!' Jack said sulkily.  
  
'Well, you look rather tired, Jack. Wouldn't you go back to sleep?'  
  
Jack thought about this.  
  
'Alright,' he agreed.  
  
'But I got me one question.'  
  
'If it's nothing indecent, you can ask it,' Will said, looking suspiciously at Jack.  
  
'Well. . . Tomorrow, if I be baby-sittin', I don't have to feed Char - Char lottie, do I? 'Cos I don't think I can get milk from me nipples.'  
  
Will grinned.  
  
'Of course you can't. But Elizabeth will feed Charlotte before we go away, and I don't think she'll be hungry.'  
  
'Ah. I see. Great. Well, I be off to bed then. Oh, and would ye do me one favor?'  
  
'Yes?' Will asked.  
  
'Will ye quit the bouncin'? It's irritatin', and I can't get to sleep from the noise.'  
  
He smirked, leaving Elizabeth and Will to blush horribly.  
  
Will walked with him to his room, removing his hand in the corridor, outside Charlotte's room.  
  
'Stupid pirate,' Elizabeth muttered under her breath when she looked at Jack, rolling her eyes.  
  
~  
  
'So,' Jack repeated before Elizabeth and Will went away, 'I only need to take care she be sleepin'? And I can't make too much noise?'  
  
Elizabeth smiled and nodded.  
  
'That's about it, yes.'  
  
'Great. I think I can do that. Yes.'  
  
'I might bloody well hope so,' she mumbled.  
  
Jack grinned.  
  
'A fine lass like ye shouldn' be cursin'.'  
  
She glared at him, while Will silently laughed about the two of them.  
  
'Well, good luck, Jack. Charlotte's really nice. She likes you.'  
  
'Thanks. Have fun, mate, m'lady.'  
  
Elizabeth and Will nodded and left.  
  
As soon as the door closed, Jack's lips curled into a huge grin.  
  
'Now, where's the rum?' he thought to himself. 


	9. Chapter Nine The SearchOperation For The...

A/N: Thnx for the reviews! And Liz, good guess ~_^ - but hey, that's just Jack :D  
  
Chapter Nine The Search-Operation For The Rum  
  
After an hour searching (and molesting Will's house), Jack still hadn't find any rum.  
  
'Bloody hell,' he muttered to himself. 'Will's gotta have some rum . . . I know he likes it . . . Now where he be hidin' it?'  
  
Jack thought for a moment, screwing his eyes in concentration.  
  
Suddenly his face cracked into a relieved smile.  
  
Ofcourse! The cellar!  
  
There was a small door in the corridor, and Jack tried to open it.  
  
Damn. Locked.  
  
He sighed angrily.  
  
Of course, *sweet* Elizabeth had locked it. What kind of cruel woman Will was married to?!  
  
But, he thought, feeling better again, that *did* mean there was any rum down there.  
  
Or at least something containing alcohol.  
  
He tried to beat the door in, using his body as a battering-ram.  
  
Alas, the door was stronger than Jack thought, and the fourth time his head made a rather painful connection with it.  
  
He fell to the ground, dazed.  
  
'No, no good,' he mumbled, standing up again, shaking his head.  
  
What could he do?!  
  
He could find himself an axe, of course. But he had a shrewd suspicion Will and Elizabeth might not like that.  
  
So, the other option was finding the key.  
  
But *where* ?!  
  
Suddenly, Jack got an idea.  
  
~  
  
'Good thingy. Now where's the key? Tell Mister Sparrow, luv.'  
  
Charlotte looked at him innocently with her huge green eyes and began to giggle.  
  
'Yer laughin' at me again!' Jack said crossly.  
  
Charlotte didn't hear this, she was just laughing louder and louder, and finally she grope for Jack's beard-braids.  
  
'Hey! Hands off me beard, little - thingy!'  
  
She went silent, but when she had studied Jack long enough her lips curled into a huge grin again.  
  
Jack buried his head in his hands. This wasn't going to work.  
  
He had asked Charthingy about the key ten times already, but she just *refused* to answer.  
  
'Yer just as mean as yer mother, ye know that?! Fat li'l cherub,' he called, angrily.  
  
Scared by the sound of his voice now, Charlotte stopped laughing.  
  
Her eyes became twice as big and filled themselves with tears.  
  
She began to cry, not sobbing silently as Jack had seen with women before, but loud cries, smearing her whole face with tears.  
  
Jack suddenly felt odd.  
  
Was it - could it possibly be - guilt?  
  
He thought about this for a moment.  
  
. . .  
  
Nah. Not because of a sodding baby.  
  
Although . . .  
  
He took Charthingy out of her cradle and held her clumsily.  
  
'Alright, luv, I'm sorry. Shouldn'ta said that. Yer not a fat li'l cherub. Yer just as pretty and bloody shexy as yer mommy.'  
  
But she continued to cry, causing Jack to raise his eyebrows.  
  
She did this on purpose! She just *made* him feel guilty!  
  
'Oh, and yer not mean! Yer cute and sweet and the nicest baby I seen in me life!'  
  
'Not that I ever seen one before,' he thought 'but that doesn't matter now.'  
  
However, Charthingy seemed to know this, for she didn't quit the crying.  
  
He closed his eyes, feeling *very* annoyed, and opened them again.  
  
Roughly, he lifted her up so her face was within a few inches distance of him.  
  
'Here!' he shouted, desperately.  
  
'Look at me! Look at funny Mister Jack Sparrow!'  
  
She did, and a big smile formed itself on her face.  
  
Smirking satisfied, Jack put her back in her cradle again.  
  
'Good thingy. Now, I suppose ye dunno where the key of the cellar is?' 


End file.
